I grew up in a family where we never talked about emotions. My parents were not in tune with their emotions. Of course, they didn’t know how to be in tune with my emotions. My feelings were neither acknowledged nor validated.
This experience was compounded by the broader cultural backdrop of Asian traditions, which often value stoicism and emotional reserve over open emotional expression.
Later, in the corporate world, I entered an environment that placed a premium on intellect over emotions. The expectation was to leave emotions at the door—it was deemed unprofessional to express them. The only emotion I saw regularly was anger, primarily from male leaders.
Looking back, I realize I had many misconceptions and challenges around emotions. To put it simply, I was emotionally illiterate.
But knowing what I know now, one of the most powerful tools for my personal and professional growth has been developing emotional awareness, learning to process emotions, and expressing them in a healthy and constructive manner.
Since emotions are such a crucial topic, I’ve decided to create a series of episodes on it.
This is the first episode.
Today, we will discuss nine common misconceptions that I have encountered and observed in my coaching work with high-achieving, successful, yet self-doubting women executives.
Misconception 1: Emotions Are Not Important
The belief that emotions are unproductive or irrelevant is pervasive. In reality:
- Emotions are energy in motion.
- Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio stated, “We are not thinking animals that feel; we are feeling animals that think.”
- Author Victoria Aveyard beautifully said, “Our emotions make us human. Denying them makes us beasts.”
Emotions are an integral part of being human, offering challenges alongside profound beauty. Imagine life without the ability to feel – no joy, fun, or excitement. That’s not the kind of life you would want, isn’t it?
As Tara Brach puts it, “It is not our emotions that are a problem; it is our resistance to them that causes the struggle.”
Misconception 2: Logic Is More Important Than Emotions
Logic and emotions are equally important; they complement each other rather than exist in a hierarchy. Studies show that leaders with high emotional intelligence (EQ) outperform those who rely solely on IQ.
In the final year of my corporate career, I became a much better leader after I focused on developing my emotional skills. As Maya Angelou famously said, “People don’t remember what you said; they remember how you made them feel.”
At our core, we are human beings. Your colleagues and team members all want to feel seen, heard, and understood. Emotional understanding is the key to inspiring and motivating people in a sustainable way.
The higher you rise in corporate or business roles, the more success hinges on managing, leading, and motivating others. A few women executives I coach are on the path to becoming CEOs—something I have no doubt they will achieve. They possess brilliant business, analytical, and strategic minds.
However, what often holds them back is the need to enhance their emotional skills—to work effectively with people who are different from them, inspire and motivate without bulldozing, and navigate relationships without creating unnecessary political tension.
Misconception 3: Showing Emotions Is a Sign of Weakness
“Emotions are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of humanity.” — Dalai Lama
“Don’t apologize for being emotional. Let this be a sign that you have a big heart and aren’t afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength.”
However, in my years in the corporate world, I saw plenty of unhealthy forms of emotional expression while the healthy kind was suppressed.
The most common emotional expression? Anger.
I saw many leaders mostly male, shouting, yelling, and belittling employees.
- One startup CEO threw books and pens at people during meetings when he got upset
- A few other leaders called employees “stupid” in front of their teams.
These toxic forms of emotional expression were often normalized and tolerated, while healthy emotional expression was discouraged or ignored.
We need to change that.
Show empathy, care, and understanding. Making people feel seen, heard, and valued is one of the most critical leadership skills.
Since I’ve learned to express my emotions in healthy ways, I’ve become a better leader, partner, and friend:
- I’m more authentic.
- I’m more empathetic.
- I’ve built more meaningful connections than ever before.
Healthy emotional expression isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength that inspires trust and fosters deeper relationships.
At the end of the day, that’s what counts – the quality of relationships.
The quality of your relationship determines the quality of your life.
Misconception 4: It’s Unprofessional to Talk About Emotions at Work
At work, we are human beings first—not productivity machines or robots. Nobody is. And no one should be treated as if they are.
One of my clients, Claire, is a VP at a large corporation. She’s highly accomplished and has very high standards. In the past, when her team members expressed emotions like sadness or disappointment, she would think, “I’m not your girlfriend. Don’t tell me how you feel. We’re here to produce results.”
Now, Claire has completely shifted her approach. She spends more time listening to her team members with empathy. As a result, they respect her more and feel more motivated to perform.
Emotions aren’t unprofessional—they’re part of what makes us human. By acknowledging and addressing emotions at work, we foster trust, respect, and collaboration, creating an environment where people can thrive.
Misconception 5: Negative Emotions Are Bad
“Emotions aren’t good, bad, or neutral; they’re information. What you do with that information is what matters.” — Brené Brown
Emotions are messengers, delivering critical information about your needs, wants, and desires:
For example:
- Feeling sad because you didn’t get the promotion? That indicates you value recognition.
- Feeling angry when someone is consistently late for meetings? That reflects your need for respect.
- Feeling envious of a friend taking fancy vacations? That signals you desire similar experiences.
It’s not the emotions themselves that are good or bad; it’s how you choose to respond to them.
As the saying goes:
“Feelings are much like waves. We can’t stop them from coming, but we can choose which ones to surf.”
For example, if a waiter is rude to you, it’s natural to feel angry because your boundaries have been violated. However, your response matters:
- You can snap at them, which escalates the situation and may leave you feeling regretful.
- You can speak calmly and assert that their behavior is unacceptable, which maintains your dignity and sets a clear boundary.
The problem isn’t the emotion—it’s how you respond when you experience it.
Do you react impulsively in the heat of the moment, leading to regret or conflict?
Or do you pause, reflect, and choose a response that aligns with your values and makes you proud of yourself?
Learning to channel your emotions constructively can turn them into powerful tools for growth and connection.
Misconception 6: If I Push My Emotions Down, They Will Disappear
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” — Sigmund Freud
When emotions are suppressed, they don’t disappear; they fester. They eventually resurface, often in ways that are harmful to yourself or others.
This can manifest in two ways:
- Implode: Internalized emotions can lead to depression, stress-related diseases, autoimmune disorders, or even cancer.
- Explode: Suppressed emotions may erupt suddenly and disproportionately, causing damage to relationships and reputations.
In high school, I faced many challenges, but I had no one to talk to. For three years, it felt like a heavy boulder sitting on my chest that I couldn’t shake off. There were days when I didn’t want to wake up because I knew that when I did, I would feel this painful heaviness. Later, when I started working with my therapist, Dr. Pratt, I realized that I had been experiencing depression.
Later in my career, there were several times when I found myself yelling at my team members out of frustration that had been building for months. One small trigger would cause me to explode, leaving behind a trail of hurt feelings. These moments were destructive, and I’m not proud of them.
One of my clients, Jason, a successful lawyer and law firm owner, used to joke, “I’m a robot. I don’t feel emotions.” When we started working together, he genuinely believed he was emotionless.
After a few weeks of coaching, Jason had a breakthrough. He said, “It’s not that I didn’t have emotions—I just didn’t recognize them. I thought I was logical and composed, but many of my reactions, like yelling at my team, came from unacknowledged frustration and stress.”
Pushing emotions down doesn’t make them go away; it makes them harder to manage. The key is learning to acknowledge and process emotions in healthy ways. When you do, you can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively, fostering better relationships and personal well-being.
Misconception 7: If I Allow Myself to Feel Emotions, I Will Get Overwhelmed
Many people fear that if they allow themselves to fully experience their emotions, they’ll be consumed by them and unable to function.
They think, “I’m scared I won’t be able to stop. I have responsibilities—I need to work, take care of my family, and manage my business.”
This fear is valid, especially if you’ve been suppressing emotions for a long time.
Think of it like a pressure cooker: when the pressure builds up without release, it’s bound to explode.
However, once you develop the habit of releasing emotions regularly, the pressure never has a chance to reach that critical point. Instead of being overwhelming, emotions become manageable.
Misconception 8: You identify with your emotions
Some people mistakenly define themselves by their emotions:
- “I’m an angry person.”
- “I’m not empathetic.”
- “I’m not emotional.”
The truth is, your experience with emotions often stems from childhood conditioning. But you are not your emotions.
You can change your emotional pattern.
For example:
I worked with a client who struggled with anger toward her colleagues, whom she believed weren’t hard-working or competent. This frustration made it difficult for her to collaborate effectively and was holding her back in her career.
Through coaching, we uncovered the origin of her anger—it traced back to her childhood experiences with her aunts, whom she perceived as lazy and incompetent. Meanwhile, her mom worked hard with no time to spend with her, and her aunts not only didn’t offer help but also criticized her mom.
She carried deep emotional resentment toward people she perceived as lazy and incompetent.
Once she processed those emotions and addressed the root cause, she no longer carried that frustration into her work relationships.
Misconception 9: People Make Me feel…..
No one can make you feel a certain way. Your emotional response comes from within, often shaped by your beliefs, insecurities, and past experiences.
For example:
- If someone says, “You’re lazy,” I would likely brush it off because I am confident that I’m not lazy.
- But if someone says, “You’re a bad driver,” I might take offense. Why? Because I feel a bit insecure about my driving skills.
When you feel triggered, it’s essential to remember: “When you’re hysterical, it’s historical.”
Strong emotional reactions or patterns are often tied to unresolved emotional wounds from your past. Once you process and address these deeper issues, your reactions will shift.
Emotional outbursts will occur less often, and you’ll feel more clarity and control in handling difficult situations.
Your emotions are yours to manage. By uncovering the roots of your triggers and developing self-awareness, you can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
Emotions are not a hindrance; they are essential to our humanity and leadership. The nine misconceptions about emotions—ranging from viewing them as weak or unprofessional to believing they can be pushed away or suppressed—often hold us back from fully embracing our authentic selves.
In reality, emotions are powerful messengers that, when managed with self-awareness, can guide us toward growth, deeper connections, and more effective leadership. Acknowledging, processing, and expressing emotions healthily is a strength, not a weakness, and leads to better relationships, increased resilience, and unshakable confidence. Embrace your emotions—they are your source of power and insight.
For a long time, I believed I wasn’t aware of the power of emotions and I thought I was not an emotional person.
because I had become so skilled at suppressing my emotions. I didn’t allow myself to feel, due to all the painful experiences I had gone through. But the emotions were still there, and they led to a lot of behavioral issues – like people pleasing, perfectionism, workaholic tendency, achievement addiction, lack of empathy, etc.’
Even though I achieved great outer success, I felt empty inside – no joy, fulfillment and contentment.
As Brené Brown wisely said, “We cannot selectively numb emotions; when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
When I first saw my therapist, Dr. Pratt, she told me, “Coco, you are an emotional mess.”
And she was right. But now, I allow myself to acknowledge, feel, and express emotions.
The shift has been incredible. I feel so much lighter. Life feels fuller — I feel the pain, but also feel more joy.
I cry all the time, sometimes are tears of pain, but more times tears of joy.
I’ve opened my heart, choosing to live with an open heart rather than staying guarded.
Because of that, I feel more connected with others. I’ve built many strong relationships in the last 3 years.
This whole emotional growth journey has made me a better friend, partner, and coach.
Now I feel expansive, spacious, and open, instead of contracted, constricted, and defensive.
Life is so beautiful.
Emotions are the key to unlocking that beauty.
I know you’re thinking, “I get it — emotions are important, but how do I do this?”
Don’t worry. In the next episodes, we’ll dive into the tools, skills, and resources on how to embrace your emotions.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward creating the life you truly desire, I’m offering a Free 45-Minute Consultation Call to explore how I can guide and support you on your journey to Grounded Confidence and become unstoppable.
Here’s how to book your session:
👉 Email me at Coco@nullCocoDuanCoaching.com with the subject line: “Consultation.”
Don’t wait—the sooner you start, the sooner you’ll step into the life you truly desire.
