In this episode, I talk about one of the deepest human needs most of us never learned to name: the need to be truly seen — for who we are, not what we do.
I share the story of how, five years ago in therapy, I experienced being fully seen for the first time in my life. Not as the high-achieving Fortune 500 executive, not as the “successful immigrant story,” but as Coco — a woman with emotions, pain, gifts, and a rich inner world. That experience completely shifted my identity and became the foundation of my Calm Confidence.
I also walk you through why so many high-achieving women feel both desperate to be seen and terrified of being seen — and how that tension shows up in our careers, relationships, and leadership.
In this episode, I share:
- How my life looked “perfect” on paper — director in a Fortune 500 company, multimillionaire, married, beautiful house — yet inside I felt miserable, unsafe, and never “good enough.”
- The story of my year in therapy with Dr. Pratt, and how her calm presence, emotional attunement, and non-judgmental mirroring finally helped me feel seen for who I am, not what I do.
- The phone call she made after our last session, and the words she shared that I still carry with me today — words that helped me rebuild my entire self-image.
- How being accurately seen allowed me to recognize my own qualities: bravery, determination, curiosity, resilience, big vision, and a deep commitment to growth.
- Why our identity is co-created in childhood through being mirrored by caregivers — and what happens when that mirroring is critical, inconsistent, or absent.
- The four things parents would need in order to truly see us:
- A regulated nervous system
- Emotional capacity to hold our big feelings
- A non-judgmental, curious stance
- The ability to accurately reflect our whole self (not just performance)
- How, when these needs aren’t met, we grow up with a biased, negative self-image that doesn’t match our actual capabilities.
👉 Want to build your Unshakable Confidence? I offer a free 45-minute clarity call to help you gain insight into where you are now, where you want to go, and what’s holding you back. If you’re ready to take action, email me at coco@nullcocoduancoaching.com.
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