Do you want to live a life with more energy, joy, and peace? Of course, who wouldn’t say yes? We all want to. I believe healthy emotional regulation is one skill that can help you achieve that.
Today, I will teach you a simple yet powerful tool to do that.
So let me ask you: When you experience negative emotions, what do you do? For example, when you feel sad, frustrated, or angry, do you reach for a bag of chips, a pint of ice cream, or a glass of wine? Do you scroll on social media, binge-watch Netflix, or do online shopping? No judgment; we all do that.
I do that sometimes. I’m good with social media, but I notice when I’m bored or procrastinating—when I need to do a task but don’t feel like it. Guess what I would do? I would take out my phone and start scrolling on my social media. But I usually catch myself, so I don’t spend hours on it, just a few minutes.
And many of us do that. Those kinds of activities are called coping. It’s a coping mechanism. What it does is mask negative emotions. As we engage in these coping activities, we often don’t feel better. Sometimes, we actually feel worse. Have you ever experienced that? I remember when I was working in corporate America; many times after a long, exhausting day when I felt really frustrated, unsatisfied, and drained, I would binge-watch a Netflix show back when Ted Lasso was popular, often watching six or seven episodes at once.
At that moment, I felt temporary relief. I didn’t have to feel those emotions—frustration and unfulfillment. But then, afterward, the emotions were still there. I didn’t feel reenergized or refreshed in any way. It also added more physical pain. I had a headache, felt very foggy, and felt really uncomfortable in my body.
That’s what happens when you cope, because coping doesn’t truly address the underlying problem. Instead, what you want to focus on is regulating. You want to engage in activities that allow you to be present, feel good, and connect with the moment. So what are those activities? They include physical movement, going for a walk, doing a few yoga poses, or any way to move your body; connecting with nature, whether it’s walking on grass, beside trees, or near the ocean—whatever forms of nature you have access to; and creative expression through drawing, singing, or dancing.
Social connections, such as hugging your kids, cuddling your pets, and just chatting with your loved ones, can really help to release negative emotions. That’s the key difference. After engaging in those activities, you feel better; the negative emotions fade away.
They’re no longer there. Then you feel refreshed, re-energized, and rejuvenated. You are ready to tackle the challenges ahead. You’re ready to move on and embrace your life again. That’s the key difference between coping and regulating; coping merely masks emotions temporarily. You experience instant gratification, but it doesn’t make you feel better, and you might even feel worse afterward. In contrast, regulating allows you to discharge negative emotions, helping you feel present good.
So, what you need to do is create a list of those regulatory activities. If you’re unsure which ones work for you, give them a try. You want to make sure that what you select is easily accessible and helps you feel better. For me, I have three go-tos.
The first way I relax is by going for a walk. I live in South Florida, and I feel very fortunate because, first, the weather is always nice. Second, I live very close to the ocean. So, it really depends on how much time I have. If I have more time, I love walking along the beach. That’s truly my favorite way to unwind. I get to move my body, and being in nature, especially near the ocean and water, has this special ability to calm me down.
If I have less time, I’ll walk a few minutes away to the lake near my place. I do that often. But if I have even less time, I just walk around my block for a few minutes, which makes a huge difference. Secondly, I dance because I absolutely love it. Of course, I would enjoy going out to dance, right?
I want to go to dance parties or take dance classes, but I want to do it in the present moment. I turn on my favorite music and dance in front of the mirror in my apartment. Just a few minutes later, I feel completely different.
I also have two adorable pets: a little Shih Tzu dog and a cat. I play with them for a few minutes, cuddle, and that’s it. This physical connection makes a big difference with my pets. So those are my three go-tos.
What are your go-tos? Figure them out if you’re not sure yet by trying different activities on the list to find your favorites.
When you feel like you’re in a funk and have experienced negative emotions, take a moment to pause. That’s the key. It’s about rewiring your neural pathways. Your instinct might be to reach for a bag of chips and eat it, grab your phone, scroll through social media, or start online shopping. So, you want to change those neural pathways. The first step is to take a moment to pause.
Notice when you feel, “Hmm, I’m feeling a little bored right now.” Instead of reaching for my phone, let me stand up and turn on some music. Just move my body for a couple of minutes. When you do this consistently several times, you’ll start to rewire your neural pathways. This helps change the habitual pattern, allowing you to build a new habit.
I often discuss behavior change. It’s about building this mental muscle to do things differently. When you do it consistently and repetitively, it becomes a new habit, and you don’t even think twice about it. Those types of unhealthy coping activities aren’t even on your radar anymore.
For instance, I really haven’t watched Netflix in probably a couple of years. I don’t keep any unhealthy snacks in my house. I simply don’t have that stuff because I no longer crave those things. This healthy routine saves so much energy, as it helps to release negative emotions in the moment.
And then you return to this sense of equilibrium much faster. This, in turn, gives you more energy in life. All those regulating activities actually bring you more joy and peace. So, that’s how it works, right? It’s a simple yet powerful tool that allows you to experience more energy, joy, and peace in your life life.
Now you’re learning this information. I challenge you to take action today. Another key point I like to discuss is that most successful people I know have a relatively thin information-action gap, meaning they learn useful information and then take action immediately.
You also want to develop the ability to take action. So, go ahead and do it! I would love to hear your feedback. If you need support with healthy emotional regulation skills, I offer a free 45-minute consultation call. Just email me at Coco@nullCocoDuanCoaching.com, I look forward to hearing from you.
